We started our journey with Dr. Zouves in February. Even though he was a two hour drive away, we felt like he was our best bet. After months of test after test after test I started injectable medications at the end of March. The girls even accompanied us on a few trips; we just made little mini vacations out of them everytime we had to go down...
By the 26th of April my eggs were ready to be retrieved. I got 21 (which is a really good number - so I responded well!) Then we had to play the waiting game. For the next 5 days we waited to hear how many eggs matured (15) and how many fertilized (11). Of those 11 that fertilized, each had a cell removed and were sent back east to be tested for Jeremy's chromosome disorder. Technology is amazing, I know. Well, the night before the transfer we found out that we had two healthy embryos! We were so over-joyed since last time we only had one healthy one! So May 1st we drove to the bay area and transferred those two little potential children. Since we had genetic testing done we knew the sex: 1 boy and 1 girl. Then we wait again.... for 10 days until I have blood work done to show if I am pregnant or not. Last time, I tested with a HPT at about 9 days after (and obviously got a positive). This time I was so anxious that I tested at 6 days. I got a negative. BUT, I told myself that it was probably too early and became obsessive reading online about women who tested too early and got a negative, but were in fact pregnant. Then, why I chose this day I'll never know, but on Mother's Day I tested again. Negative. Had a little breakdown. But, still had hope. On Tuesday May 11th, my blood test was up and I got a call that afternoon that I was NOT pregnant.
The procedure did not work.
We may never have anymore children.
Don't get me wrong, I am SO grateful for the little ones that I have, but right now I am in the mourning phase and need to deal with this before I can "look on the bright side." I guess what Jeremy and I feel right now is that we were not wishing for a larger house, or nicer car, or even for a better job - we just wanted to grow our family. Bailey and Kennedy are the most amazing thing that has ever happened to us, and we know that more children would only add to that love we have that we did not know was possible.
So what's next for us?
No more in vitro. We do not have the money that is required to do it again.
Adoption? We have been on the list for a while and frankly it is going to cost quite a bit too.
Be content the way we are? I only hope that we can find that peace if that is the plan for us.
8 comments:
Oh Britni, I can honestly say that I know your pain. Go ahead and be pessimistic about it, you're allowed. And cry, a lot, cause sometimes the tears just have to come out.
Love you guys!!
I've been thinking about you, Britni. At the very least, you have a few people in Pennsylvania who love you and think you're amazing.
Oh we are so bummed to hear the news and even more saddened to find out this was your last invitro attempt. I am so sorry for you and Jer, we love you both so much!!
It's okay to be sad and pessimistic for awhile but remember it's not you guys that failed, it's the science that failed for you this time. You guys are winners even though you don't feel like it now.
You are still in our prayers and I wish we could make it all better for you.
Britni this sweet post brought tears to my eyes. I can only imagine how heartbreaking that is. And I agree with Julie that it's okay to be pessimistic sometimes. I think it's part of the healing process. Please know that a lot of prayers are going your way. We love you and think you guys are amazing.
You didn't fail. You are great parents and great friends. We are so blessed to have you in our lives. Now...where are those Disney pics?
I am so sorry. I will keep you in my prayers.
There is no fault in acknowledging loss.
I'm so sorry, Britni. I love you guys.
no matter what the future holds, what you had yesterday, you still have today ... a beautiful family.
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